BREATHING / DEATHING - May 20, 2008

I awake at 7am and at 7:15 I find myself in front of the sink scrubbing the broiler pan. I move from room to room and each object I lay eyes on is another unfinished project. Everything I own is being reevaluated for monetary value, sentimental value, practical value and irreplaceableness.
I have been blessed by so many synchronistic reunions recently. A friend with whom I thought I had lost touch, calls out of the blue and we find time to collapse our 100 mile distance. A brother drives the 500 miles to take responsibility for my soon-to-be rental home and bumps into the soon-to-be-renters. A friend from Seattle finds 30 hours in her crammed schedule to fly in and help create the wardrobe I will have for the next two years. I fly to Minneapolis for 4 days and am able to see and soak in the 30 family members I wanted to see. A precious out-of-town friend arrives for a long-planned visit with the news that she was just given 3-6 months to live. A nephew just returning from living in England and a niece from Las Vegas both fly into the Bay Area for a fast and furious rendez-vous. I am able to return to the Contemplative Group at Old Folsom Prison for a final good-by because the Catholic Chaplain (who disapproves of me) retired last week. The timing of it all is quite exquisite.

The household is disassembling piece by piece. This week-end, I hope, will be one big gush with the estate sale event. Friends are responding to my call for help, and now I don't know how to use this help. But it feels oh-so-good to have the offers and feel the support.

People keep asking me if I am nervous, scared, excited. I am none of these. I am content. I think this is due to a deep sense of the Right Time and Right Action. No doubts and very few questions. The very biggest issue is getting my stuff sold or stashed - and trying to have the details organized so that my brother isn't pulling out his hair as he manages things for me. Beloved sis-in-law Patricia is making a second trip in her van from San Diego to carry back the short category of "irreplaceable" items. It's a great exercise and I recommend it. Look at all your stuff and decide what you absolutely whole-heartedly need to hang on to , what you will still want and need in five years, what doesn't matter to you one way or the other. I keep hearing my mother's voice saying, "You never see a U-Haul Trailer being pulled behind a hearse".
Unless we believe like the ancient Egyptians, and then we'd better have a big puppy-pile of friends and favorite foods in the pyramid. I'm bringing the pastry chef!